In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained, through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.).

If you feel that you are not given enough S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list.

Employees who are unable to handle S.H.I.T. will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Program (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).

Since your managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they do not have to do S.H.I.T. as they are already full of S.H.I.T.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., and qualified you may be interested in a job, training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

Those who are proficient in B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. can apply for promotion to the Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have any questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).